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Kicking Trees’ Asses

Home - by - March 2, 2012 - 20:00 America/New_York - 18 Comments

Excerpts from Matt Labash

-Breitbart showed me his Twitter mug shot.

Since he knew that I despise Twitter on principle, I thought he was deliberately sticking me in the eye. But he wasn’t. “Seriously,” he said. “Take a look. Do you notice anything different about me?” In the photo, he had newly grown facial hair. He was looking off into the middle distance in a way that did not quite resemble himself.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Did you lose weight? Get a haircut?”

“NO!!!!” he exclaimed, with some disappointment. “It’s exactly like Eric Boehlert’s Twitter picture! I’m mirroring him!”

- I tried to calm Breitbart down several times, to no avail. A few years back, he told me the doctor said that he needed to decelerate his stress levels. Consequently, he wanted me to teach him how to fly fish. Then he thought better of it. The problem, he admitted, was, “Every time I see a tree, I just want to kick its ass.”

- we all doubled over as Andrew worked out his shtick during pre-game drinks as he proudly explained to us a new coinage of his – “Retrobate” – the process whereby one sexually fantasizes about aged actresses who you once had a crush on, in their younger incarnation.


Our friend, Daily Caller editor Tucker Carlson, had won the Ayers dinner at an Illinois Humanities Council auction, and had brought us along. Tucker and I were a little worried that we had in our possession a human grenade in Breitbart, though if we were being honest with ourselves, that’s precisely why we brought him. With Andrew, every day was anything-can-happen day.

As it happened, Breitbart was on his best behavior. “I’m here to learn,” Andrew said facetiously. It was part of the pleasure of keeping company with him. He wasn’t just a friend, he was a co-conspirator. Once we arrived at the apartment, much to Andrew’s and Ayers’s chagrin, they got along famously. Just two guys having dinner, finding commonality, even if Andrew regarded it his hidebound duty to passive-aggressively heckle Ayers as he served us plates of hoisin ribs and farmhouse cheeses. (“This is the bomb, Bill,” Breitbart said to the former explosives-rigger.)

When Ayers asked me what I was reading right now, I told him “Moby Dick,” which actually lived up to its billing. Ayers agreed, though added, as any good academic would, “You’ve picked up the gay subtext?” Breitbart nearly choked on his tofu and quinoa. “You mean in Moby Dick?” Andrew asked. “Or at this dinner?”


Several years ago, when Breitbart was in the middle of one skirmish or another – I don’t even remember which one – I told him that I didn’t know whether I should encourage him, but that he made me laugh, as always. I asked him when someone finally shot him, “Can I read a poem at your memorial service? ”

“I think I should stop,” he admitted of his latest caper. “But it’s so fun and the hate mail is something to behold….And of course you can read my favorite poem, William Carlos Williams’s ‘The Red Wheelbarrow’ at my wake.” Well my friend, you mercifully didn’t get shot. But here you go anyway:

so much depends

a red wheel

glazed with rain

beside the white

I’ve never had any idea what the hell that poem means. And I suspect that neither Breitbart, nor William Carlos Williams, had a clue either. But it doesn’t matter. As Andrew held, sometimes absurdity is worth it for its own sake. And as he once wrote to me, “I hope people see that I’m dead serious about what I’m dead serious about, and besides that, it’s all about a good laugh.”

Read the entire excellent article here.


Goodbye, Andrew


  1. taudry audry

    March 2nd, 2012

    Now I’m sad again.
    I remember when you posted that video, Fur.
    Is that Pinko giggling in the background?

    That LaBash tribute was one of the best on the internet.

    Thumb up +7

  2. Aunt Liz

    March 2nd, 2012

    Fur, I remember that too. I hope you had chance to meet Breitbart. You two – in my opinion – would’ve gotten along famously.

    Thumb up +4

  3. Mr. Pinko

    March 2nd, 2012

    “This is the bomb, Bill,” Breitbart said to the former explosives-rigger.

    I am literally LOLing!. I can hear Breitbart saying it.

    I don’t know if people realize what a tremendous loss Breitbart is. Sickening, empty pit in my stomach. I enjoyed every second around the guy.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

  4. Anonymous

    March 2nd, 2012

    What an incredible man. Some things are just brutally unfair and hard to comprehend. Rest in peace Andrew.

    Thumb up +4

  5. Menderman

    March 2nd, 2012

    ya know, if I were to turn gay, a “Moby Dick” would be the last thing I would want…that doctors finger feels like a telephone pole going up there!

    with that stupidity said, I will surley miss Mr. Breitbart…his passing has reminded me of the many friends I have lost way to early. I am almost 49, but have been burying better people than me that were younger than me for 30 years now…maybe I should be gald I am thinking of them again…anyway, Godspeed Andrew…

    Day is done, gone the sun,
    From the hills, from the lake,
    From the sky.
    All is well, safely rest,
    God is nigh.

    Go to sleep, peaceful sleep,
    May the soldier or sailor,
    God keep.
    On the land or the deep,
    Safe in sleep.

    Love, good night, Must thou go,
    When the day, And the night
    Need thee so?
    All is well. Speedeth all
    To their rest.

    Fades the light; And afar
    Goeth day, And the stars
    Shineth bright,
    Fare thee well; Day has gone,
    Night is on.

    Thanks and praise, For our days,
    ‘Neath the sun, Neath the stars,
    ‘Neath the sky,
    As we go, This we know,
    God is nigh.

    Thumb up +5

  6. Merry Poppet

    March 2nd, 2012

    Beautiful, Menderman. I could hear the lone bugle in the distance.

    Thumb up +4

  7. norman einstein

    March 2nd, 2012

    Usually ‘larger than life’ is just an expression.

    Thanks, Andrew.

    Thumb up +3

  8. Godspeed Andrew

    March 2nd, 2012

    Here’s to living as AB did. Annoy the left and put their hypocrisy on display. I can’t believe how much I miss a guy I never met. Honestly, I hope that one day I might have half of his courage.
    Here’s to me getting in over my head ….. Just bought domain BigAfterlife.com

    Thumb up +9

  9. Name Redacted™

    March 2nd, 2012

    I can’t stop laughing at that “gay subtext” joke.

    In trying to process my grief these last couple days, my big worry was that Breitbart would be quickly lost to history because his time in the spotlight was just a few short years. I tried to think – what could I do? How can I honor his legacy so that even I don’t just forget him?

    Besides buying his book, which I was going to do anyway (gotta help the estate of those kids who don’t have a dad, seeing as Shirley Sherrod is apparently still planning to go after it), I realized that I can honor Breitbart by doing what he did. We all need to BE Andrew Breitbart – that is, speak truth to power, get in their faces, don’t back down, and own the attacks as a badge of honor.

    I took some hits from liberals this past year that really got me down. I started to withdraw, to pipe down. Well, that’s exactly what I should NOT be doing. I have to stop worrying about losing friends and making enemies. I was watching a Breitbart interview on the internet yesterday, and he talked about how the left just wants you to shut up. They do everything they can to make you shut up. I realized they had been making me shut up. Well, no more. My tribute to Breitbart is that I am not going to shut up, never again.

    Thumb up +3

  10. BigFurHat

    March 2nd, 2012

    Great domain name.
    Launch it. I’ll contribute.

    Thumb up +4

  11. BigFurHat

    March 2nd, 2012

    >> I hope you had chance to meet Breitbart. >>

    I will.

    Thumb up +8

  12. RosalindJ

    March 2nd, 2012

    That’s a great domain name, Godspeed Andrew!

    I loved this part of the article:

    “Don’t worry, man. It’s something that bothers me, too. But I have it all figured out. We all need to go to work together every day from 9 am to 3 pm, whether we need to or not. In a classroom. We’ll even sit at those peninsula-shaped desks, with our pencil sharpeners and Elmer’s glue. And we’ll do it for nine months out of every year..“Because,” he said. “When we were in school, that was the last time we watched the clock, and wanted it to hurry up. The last time it took too long to get to the next thing.”


    Thumb up +1

  13. SheVee

    March 2nd, 2012

    Andrew Breitbart was a weapon of mainstream media mass destruction. Can’t wait to see the Obama Harvard videos… only wish that Breitbart was still here to introduce them.

    Thumb up +1

  14. BigRed

    March 3rd, 2012

    Thanks BF, Please keep Andrew alive through your blog. Older than him, I always thought if we knew each other, we we would have been great friends.
    Can’t say that about most people, DAMN…………..
    I “loved” that DUDE.

    Thumb up +1

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    Thumb up 0

  16. Bob M.

    March 3rd, 2012

    Awww yeahhhhhhhh… he was one of US. :-D

    That stupid earth day crap started in the early ’90′s while I was in college. I know my college wingman & I celebrated the first two earth days, by going out to our favorite clearing, and shooting down some small saplings. ;-)

    Me, with an HK91, and he, with a Norinco Polytech, discovered, it took two mags each, to bring down a 3″ diameter Maple sapling.

    Of course, our aim might have been off JUST a bit, due to the laughter… :lol:

    Thumb up +1

  17. FreeMan - Save Us Sarah

    March 3rd, 2012

    OK – It has been 2 days and still I feel like a gaping hole has been ripped into my side.

    This may pass, but it is going to take quite some time.

    Here is my offering to Andrew. It really feels the way I feel about a world without him.

    O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
    The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
    The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
    While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
    But O heart! heart! heart!
    O the bleeding drops of red,
    Where on the deck my Captain lies,
    Fallen cold and dead.

    O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
    Rise up–for you the flag is flung–for you the bugle trills; 10
    For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths–for you the shores a-crowding;
    For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
    Here Captain! dear father!
    This arm beneath your head;
    It is some dream that on the deck,
    You’ve fallen cold and dead.

    My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
    My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
    The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
    From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won; 20
    Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
    But I, with mournful tread,
    Walk the deck my Captain lies,
    Fallen cold and dead.

    Walt Whitman

    Except out ship is still at sea, as conditions grow worse.

    Thumb up +2

  18. Stache

    March 5th, 2012

    so much depends
    upon (I never considered this a trivial poem)

    a red wheel
    barrow (people working together)

    glazed with rain
    water (with refreshment given by God)

    beside the white
    chickens. (to generate food to share with others.)

    Andrew brought us together, to refresh our spirit, to analyze the ‘data’ of news, to see if we could feed each other. this allegory is corny, but I’ll miss him. and, I barely knew him.

    Thumb up 0