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The AP Investigates Tiger’s Racist Stripes!

Home - by - December 6, 2009 - 15:17 America/New_York - 32 Comments

When the Tiger Woods story broke, the only thing I wondered was if his wife had voted for Obama. Because, if she hadn’t, then I could feel confident in saying that she wailed on Tiger with clubs because she is, in fact, a Racist ™. Turns out I was wrong and, thankfully, the Associated Press has set me straight. She isn’t the racist — Tiger is!  Why, you may ask? Oh, because he only bangs white broads.

Associated Press headline:

Tiger’s Troubles Widen His Distance From Blacks  The article that followed labeled the golfer racist not only for “declin[ing] to identify himself as black,” but also because of “the race of the women” he’s involved with.

‘Two layers of suspicion … one is the pattern in the race of his partners’

That’s right. Everything is now due to racism, even a man’s inability to keep his junk zipped up in his pants. Not to mention the egregious fact that he is 1/4 black and 3/4 a mix of other things and dares to not label himself as one race or another. Egads! I suppose I’m an ethnic traitor because instead of touting myself as half Scottish and half Yugoslavian (well, Croatian, I suppose. Stop changing the names of countries!), I choose to not label myself and just be, you know, American.

The AP also informed me that anyone interested in the Tiger Woods story is quite clearly racist as well:

As one blogger, Robert Paul Reyes, wrote: “If Tiger Woods had cheated on his gorgeous white wife with black women, the golfing great’s accident would have been barely a blip in the blogosphere.”

See, y’all are only interested because he’s boffing white ladies! Um, AP — what about those of us who don’t give a rat’s arse who he is philandering with or even that he is philandering at all; those of us whom are NOT paying attention to the Tiger Woods non-story? I’m funny like that. I’m shockingly not shocked that a rich sports dude is totally a big old slutty pants. I prefer to focus on things that affect our country and our real lives. You know, instead of worrying about loose zippers, worry about stopping Congress from being so loose with our wallets, and our Rights. Is that better or worse? Are we, therefore, not racist? Or are we worse — racist-racist?

The article goes on to explain more of how our country is teeming with racism and oppression and always has been. I think. It’s a little hard to discern because the writer (term used loosely) contradicts himself and his alleged points several times:

This vexed some blacks, but it hasn’t stopped them from claiming Woods as one of their own. Or from disapproving of his marriage to Elin Nordegren, despite blacks’ historical fight against white racist opponents of mixed marriage.

First they are annoyed that Tiger, himself the product of one of those “historic fight” mixed marriages, doesn’t pay enough mind to his black 1/4, yet at the same time we are supposed to believe that it is white racists (this means a full half of America, as the Press would have us believe) who get upset by mixed marriages. Oh, but wait. Lookie here!

“But at the same time we still see him as a black man with a white woman, and it makes a difference,” said Johnson Cooper, a 26-year-old African-American from New York City. “There’s just this preservation thing we have among one another. We like to see each other with each other.”

Huh. Sort of taking the wind out of the sails of your own argument, aren’t you, AP? Who is racist? People who have some inexplicable schadenfreude-y interest in a big old cheater, regardless of his melanin production, or the people who actually dislike him for kedoodling with white broads?

It’s funny, that – once again, the people constantly hurling the “Racist!” slur at others seem to be the people who only see color. What is THAT called, hmmm, Associated Press? Get back to me with an answer, if you can. I’ll be waiting.0867-TigerWoodsAT&T

 

(h/t Dan Collins/POWIP)

UPDATE: Dr. Melissa Clouthier and Ed Morrissey at Hot Air link and have more.

» 32 Comments

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lori Z, ManBearPig. ManBearPig said: RT @snarkandboobs New Posty: "The AP Investigates Tiger’s Racist Stripes!" http://bit.ly/4s7qv0 #tcot #rs #sgp [...]

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  2. Tim

    December 6th, 2009

    “… the golfing great’s accident …” So, his boffing of white women is accidental? He got outta his car at Hardee’s and a white woman fell on his penix? I don’t understand.

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  3. matt

    December 6th, 2009

    My wife is white….does this mean that we are both racist?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  4. jd nyc

    December 6th, 2009

    And as a 1/4 black man, if he were to cheat exclusively with black women, he’d be racist for using black women for his pleasure without seeing their potential to be so much more and blah blah blah blah

    Oh, and also, Michael Jackson wasn’t racist for bleaching his skin and buying white children and blah blah blah blah

    The biggest shame is that the term “racist” used to *mean* something….

    Thumb up +5

     
  5. KillTruck

    December 6th, 2009

    Wait, I thought this was all so Tiger could finally get some black athlete acting like a dog street cred.

    Oh yes she did. If this was his equivalent of a black NBA player it would make one day’s news, and there’d be high fives all around. Not to mention that crazy white bitch can’t even keep her man under control.

    This has been your daily “white girl talks about race”. We now return you to Hustle and Flow already in progress.

    Thumb up +1

     
  6. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jennifer*******, Erika. Erika said: "Everything is now due to racism, even a man’s inability to keep his junk zipped up in his pants." http://ow.ly/Jl0a h/t @kill_truck [...]

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  7. BETTY

    December 6th, 2009

    If this administration accomplished anything it’s making everything racist. Up until obowma I never thought myself a racist.

    Thumb up +2

     
  8. Tim

    December 6th, 2009

    Mr. Matt,
    She’s white and you’re a militaristic squirrel. Yes, you are both racists.

    Thumb up +2

     
  9. Tom Mo

    December 6th, 2009

    In my humble opinion, based in 50 years of

    adulthood, it is the media who are the true

    racists in the world. I have reasons for this

    opinion. But they are myriad and there’s so

    little time.

    Thumb up 0

     
  10. DEVILDOC

    December 6th, 2009

    Matt….If she’s good with a 9 Iron, you’d better mind your P’s and Q’s!

    Thumb up 0

     
  11. Revernd Idaho Spud

    December 6th, 2009

    Since Obama has been ordained and I found out that I was racist I have been feeling very comfortable with myself.

    Thumb up 0

     
  12. cakes

    December 6th, 2009

    Snark, You must a long lost sister. Right on. Who the hell cares about where some famous dude sticks it. My litmus test on this kind of story:
    Does he do it on my dime or my time?
    Does doing it risk the security and safety of my family or country?
    If not, stay the hell out of it.
    Liberals love to tell conservatives to “stay out of peoples bedrooms” when actually we just don’t want someone else’s sex life flung in our faces. Yet, that is what they do best- invade someone’s bedroom (or any whoopie place) and report every sordid detail. My guess is they have no sex life of their own to think about. That would explain their bitterness, too.

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  13. Carlos

    December 6th, 2009

    Yes, Snark, we are racist-racist, especially in the case of rape-rape…

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  14. Wyatt AARP

    December 6th, 2009

    I want to be politically correct. Should I only hate Tiger with 25% of my being? And what about his Asian ancestry – should I be jealous of or angry with Tiger because, as everyone knows, Asians are over-achievers? Or should I dislike Tiger somewhat more or less than 25% because he is married to a white woman? Are there any other ethnicities in the mix I should be concerned with?

    Help me, AP, before I have to start thinking for myself.

    Thumb up +1

     
  15. [...] NFL SCOREBOARD WEEK 13 Quote of the day By the Divine Ms. Sarah… YOU KNEW IT HAD TO HAPPEN: The AP Investigates Tiger’s Racist Stripes! TIGER WOODS MISTRESS COUNT NOW UP TO ??? * Tiger Woods Scandal: Tiger Woods Christmas Picture and [...]

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  16. Chalupa

    December 6th, 2009

    The black part put rims on the ‘sclade- the asian part crashed it!

    Thumb up +4

     
  17. ScratchNSniff

    December 7th, 2009

    D@mn, I figgered muhsef a smart man, but I’m confoozed now. Lemmie sees, is ah’ma racist or isn’t ahm? Shoot, it’s gittin ta bees where a white folk caint tells fo sho.

    Cuud sum’un git me da O’fishal white folks gyyd ta racism? Ah’m so mexed up. Ah wuudnt axe ifin I all-redee no’d.

    Thank yee kindlee.

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  18. Boobie The Rocket Dog

    December 7th, 2009

    I’m anxiously waiting for the guys who hacked the global worming jive emails to take on Barak Obama’s Blackberry.
    The MSM/DBM will ignore it but Fox can be counted on to catalog each of Barak’s trysts (“Ma, in Spagna, mille tre!”).
    And, with those arms, I’m sure MEshell can hurl a lamp harder and farther than Hillary ever could, short-person leverage notwithstanding.

    Thumb up +1

     
  19. Call me Lennie

    December 7th, 2009

    New word (dare I call it a Lennielogism) for a liberal retard who goes “off the reservation”* of human logic in order to find evidence of non-existent racism

    “racetard”

    *Did I say “off the reservation” My racism. I meant “off the soul deadening habitat arbitrarily assigned to our Native American citizens as a result of two centuries of broken promises and treaties.

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  20. [...] Another UPDATE: Snark & Boobs weighs in on Tiger’s racism. [...]

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  21. Snowball?

    December 7th, 2009

    Snow is so d@mn cockadoodie racist!

    Racist, racist, racist!

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  22. Eric

    December 8th, 2009

    In the end it will come out that all the white girls were the racists, and Tiger was just another oppressed unfortunate minority victim in the great white conspiracy. The more white girls that come out of the wood-pile on this the worse it will look for white women just out to take the black man down when he succeeds. Never mind the fact that 100% of the women Tiger “holed-out” had been night putting with any other famous athlete they could find to drive them down the fairway. Athletes, rock stars, politicians are all targets of these consorts, and we should all remember that little detail.

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  23. Althing

    December 8th, 2009

    Hines, why do you even come to this site and comment? You don’t actually make any of us mad, in fact all you do is prove what uneducated morons you and your liberal butt-buddies are. Your terrible spelling and awful grammar are purely indicative of your slack-jawed kind. We don’t go to your favorite sites like gayliberalfluffers.com or iwanttosuckobamasnutcheese.com and make comments saying that your on-your-knees-with-nuts-on-your-chin lifestyle is wrong so why come here?

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  24. DEVILDOC

    December 8th, 2009

    If you want to know the REAL story about Tiger’s accident, let’s ask Wanda.

    Thumb up 0

     
  25. [...] I Own The World points out that Robinson’s not [...]

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  26. atiem

    December 8th, 2009

    So is he a racist if he doesn’t like fried chicken, watermelon, egg rolls or fried rice?

    Thumb up 0

     
  27. Althing

    December 8th, 2009

    Wow. You’re a moron. Nobody can shame or insult you because you have no shame and you ARE an insult to intelligent thought. You don’t make anybody think, you make everybody KNOW that you’re mentally inferior. Even the way you write makes you look stupid Hines. I can comfortably speak for everybody when I say that you have NEVER swayed ANYbody’s mind on this site. You are a disease to rational and logical thought.

    Thumb up +1

     
  28. moonbatkiller

    December 8th, 2009

    Tiger is more of an asian than black. people are so stupid. same can be said about Barry 0bama (Tarzan) white man posing as an african.

    Thumb up 0

     
  29. moonbatkiller

    December 8th, 2009

    also those girls are HOTTT!!

    Thumb up 0

     
  30. [...] Tiger Woods is racist because he likes white women: The AP also informed me that anyone interested in the Tiger Woods story is quite clearly racist as well: As one blogger, Robert Paul Reyes, wrote: “If Tiger Woods had cheated on his gorgeous white wife with black women, the golfing great’s accident would have been barely a blip in the blogosphere.” [...]

    Thumb up 0

     
  31. Thai Dude

    December 8th, 2009

    Tiger is 1/2 Thai you idiots. That makes him more Asian than black.

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  32. [...] The AP Investigates Tiger’s Racist Stripes! 2009 December 7 tags: Associated Press, Cuckoo Pants, Racist, Tiger Woods by snarkandboobs Originally/cross-posted at iOwntheworld.com [...]

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