iOwnTheWorld.com

The Movie with blank screen
<I(Soundtrack: John Cage's 4'33")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN2zcLBr_VM
.

+2

No Contact Karate

+2

Swordless Fencing

+2

no fat bacon

+2

Zero Movement F*cking

+5

for LIR

the dry golden shower

+4

No-bat baseball

+2

no fire smores

+3

intelligent occupy protester

sweet smelling occupy protester

+3

No more bacon flavored anything.

+2

No Contact Bumper Cars

+7

Arrowless archery

+4

No contact hockey

+1

no lap dance strip club

+1

Waterless Balloon Fight

+8

Virtual sex – it’s only in your mind

+1

no kick soccer games

+1

No Flame Matches

+2

Wing optional airplanes

+2

no female reproduction

+3

The individual cotton filled ball environment. No personal interaction or play, all “activities” are preprogrammed my the Nanny State and all “interactions” are “virtual”.
Thus we enter the age of the “Safety Ball”.

+4

Work for no pay

+3

no altitude sky diving

+2

Flightless Bullets

+5

Cowboys and Indians – without cows, boys, or Indians

+3

Puzzles with every piece missing

+3

painless bullets

+1

The Only Positive Things To Say Celebrity Roast

+8

Everyone gets a 1st place blue ribbon

+4

toothless attack dogs

+2

Breast-less women

That’s the first lady – Irony

+7

no contact boxing

+5

Sea-level sky jumping

+3

No drip Ice cream cones

+4

crime without consequences

+5

Government mandated population control – every woman must now look like Rosie O’Donnell.

+3

FishHookless Fishing

+5

Efficient Government Programs

+5

non dairy cheese

+3

@IronyCurtain: Do we all get “Participation Ribbons”?

Very good, wiseguy! – Irony

+2

I think you meant “Government without consequences” Mrs. Zonga.

+3

Gummy bear jaw breakers

+5

beauty contest for liberal women

+3

@Zonga: You just described Congress

+1

Stationary triathlon

+6

honest answer from Bill, Hillary, Barack,etc.

+2

No blanket living room forts.

+4

Pinless Bowling

+4

This seems like a good time to share this:

http://garyc.me/fun/bring.swf

It will keep liberals occupied for hours.

+2

The NFL becomes the NFFL (The National Flag Football League). No physical contact allowed.

+2

Hockey without brawling

+3

Empty Christmas….I mean Holiday/Festivus packages

+3

Pre blown bubble gum.

Pre-packaged with a huge bubble, just stick in your mouth and impress!

+5

Magically paid mortgages and full gas tanks

+2

Plemmen, Burr,

Tee Hee

+4

No objective News Media…oh right.

+2

Classy Mooshelle.

+2

No Hop Hopscotch

+7

Swimming pools without diving boards….oh…wait…

+4

Imaginary Slinkies

+3

No Punch Boxing

+4

No Singing Glee Club

+4

For all the Mittsy fans

non smelly magic underwear

+4

Welcome to Sasha’s world – no gender, no idea of who I am or what I’m supposed to do.

+4

Desert Swimming

+2

No spring pogo sticks

+4

No Snowball Snowball Fight

+7

Virtual Farming

+7

New, Oblowme approved firearm:

http://i979.photobucket.com/albums/ae277/RAPH6969/12.jpg

+3

stnkless fahts.

+3

BTW Irony, they already have “The No Crack Hard Boiled Egg”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWNO43secjc
…

I stand corrected! – Irony

+4

Diaper pins you cannot open

+3

the no purchase dollar

+7

no test college classes

oh wait

+3

Halloween without candy

+4

Nerf Deer Hunting rifles

+6

No pirouette ballet

+3

No Gallop Kentucky Derby

+3

No Caffeine Espresso

+2

High heels without muscle spasms

+3

Air Guitar smashing contests

+3

alcohol free whiskey

+2

Pre-assembled jigsaw puzzles

+5

No-kick kickball

+4

@Zonga – Halloween without candy!!

+4

Odorless perfume.

JWM

+7

Steroid-less baseball

+2

No punch boxing

+2

No Ice Ice Skating

+3

Silent smokeless firecrackers

+8

Bounce free trampolines

+5

On a related note, here’s a conversation I overheard in a middle school faculty lounge.

The girls’ coach had the kids playing a sort of no-dribble basketball game called “Murderball”.
Of course, some prissy-ass parent objected. So the girls’ coach renamed the game “Pansyball”
So far, no accusations of homophobia have been raised. The kids think it’s funny as hell.

JWM

+5

non shuck oysters

+2

No side effect Viagra

+2

@ BFH

F#cking without friction

+4

The phone it in Presidency.

Oh, we all ready have that.

+3

Meatless meat…oh wait.

+2

water-proof towels

+2

Morning trophies everyday just for getting up.

+2

The non asshole brother in law

+2

Non killing mousetraps…oh wait.

+2

Bugspray that only sedates the bugs until you can transfer them to a bug shelterhouse.

+4

The fly-LESS Obama!

+2

Basic Training without pushups

+2

Predators that only eat vegetables.

+3

Bedpans that flush

+1

College loans that don’t have to be paid back…..oh wait.

+2

All loans to be called grants…with monthly optional donations instead of payments…loans are to oppressive.

+2

No race racing and everyone wins.

+2

Swimming holes without a rope swing.

+3

Calling anyone a fat lazy couch potato will now be a felony hate crime.

+3

Moochie without back hair

+3

All high school or college students get a free car for attmepting to learn regardless if they graduate or not.

If the kids don’t want to go to either they get 1 anyways..so its fair.

+2

250k a year do whatever you feel like doing jobs…..mandatory for all companies.

Or jobs that don’t require you to show up.

+2

Fishing without bait.

+3

lockless locks, because everyone should be able to go whereever they want.

+3

Jails without cells, bars, doors, or guards.

+1

News media not expected to seek out the truth.

+2

Judges who convict no one…..because everyones innocent because of something in their life being unfair.

With that, the judges are now to be called personal sob story listeners.

+2

Farmers will no longer be called farmers…..because farming refers to work and slavery, now they will be called We hope something magically grows on its own wishful thinkers.

+2

Drug dealers are to be referred to as street pharmacists or pharmacies.

+1

“250k a year do whatever you feel like doing jobs…..mandatory for all companies.

Or jobs that don’t require you to show up.”
————–

You mean like Moochelle’s job back in Chicago?
Oh, no wait,… she made $350 a year in her pay to play, flim flam, patient dumping position.

+3

@Nutjob – you are on a roll!

+4

Teachers are no longer to be referred to as teachers, being it implies your stupid and need to be taught. When liberals know you know everything you need to know by age 2 1/2 taught by your hippy parents.

They need to be called higher educational growth stimulaters.

+2

Ball-less Dodge Ball

+3

The No Pleasure Condom.

+4

My bad…

Ball-less Dodge Ball w/ helmets

+2

Tip-less Darts

+3

Single “B’ BBs

+2

@jethro

Nope, no nuts on rolls or anything, even nutjob on a roll will get you prosecuted by those with peanut allegies when they instill a statewide nut ban.

2nd hand nuts can kill and are forbidden, unless its a reach around and includes a gay partner.

+2

Waterless Water Balloons

+2

Is it true that the pleasure is less with a condom?

+2

Gun-less Gunpowder

+2

The no firing pin firearm

+2

All knifes have to be dull and can have no points.

+1

Goodminton

Badminton has negative connotations.

+5

A weaponless military, only allowed to hug the misguided America haters and serve up tea and sympathy while listening politely to the misdeeds of America. (@BFH – that would make a stunning photoshop)

+2

The charcoal free grilled rib-eye

+2

@Dianne,

Put a rubber thimble over your little man in the canoe, try rubbing the thimble (and I dont mean rub the little man with the thimble) and theres your answer.

+2

The study-free passing grade.

Oh, wait…

+3

No rain on a rainey day.

+1

@nutjob: All knifes have to be dull and can have no points.
Just like the Democraps.

+1

Camping without camping.
You just sleep under a piece of cardboard, in a park or wherever you want and a hot meal, water, and megaphone just shows up.

+2

Non-inflatable blow up dolls.

+3

Tootheless tooth fairy, you wake up and the moneys there everyday.

+2

No stereotypical stereotypes.

+3

All sex in tantric (ie only she gets to cum)

+2

Toothless pitbulls.

+2

Toys R Us, changes its name to Toys R Yours or All Toys R Free.

0

Shag linoleum

+2

Non-exploding firecrackers

+2

Electric bills are now to be referred to as Alternative Energy accumulation Totals.

+2

6-Inch Ladder

+2

Automatic self-dog-walking yo-yos

+2

Cotton concrete.

+2

Wheel-less bicycle

+2

Limbless trees

+2

Crap-free pets

+3

Gym class is to be referred to as Pat, Gym sounds to much like Jim and is chauvanistic.

+2

Smiling angry black FLOTUS.

+1

Risk-free investment banking.

Oh, wait…

+2

Rejoke…

Wheel-less Stationary Bike

+1

She doesn’t have a headache, but still no sex.

+2

Walking shall be referred to as Push me, pull me or tow me. Walking is oppressive.

+2

Unelectric electricity.

+1

Recycled peanuts in your chocolate candy.

+3

Sex can longer be called sex, that presumes 2 of the opposite genders….it now needs to be called, reach a rounding, ass blasting, clit chomping or personal gratification.

+2

Zero vertical height monkey bars.

+3

You pay for a glory hole, but your always behind the wall. WTF!?

+1

0 foot extention ladder.

+2

Arrowless bow and arrows, Kleenex are less harmful and won’t penetrate the skin.

+1

Ground level slides.

+1

Smokeless smoke bomb.

+1

Your girlfriend looks like a dude and laughs like Fran Drescher.

+1

Swings that don’t swing, have stabilizing bars, wrap around padding and a lanyard for the full body harness while you’re just sitting there.

+2

Everyone of your Facebook friends are the same person, and he’s stalking you.

+2

Screws that require no screwing.

0

The no hole blow up doll

+1

Aluminum instead of lead.

See it’s not all bad..

+1

ouchless barbed wire

+3

pinless grenades

+3

Virtual horse riding for those who feel like living on edge.

+2

You take your date to a fancy restaurant, but they won’t let you in because they don’t allow pets.

+2

Executive order single key launch sequence.

+3

Gambling without betting.

+2

All your bases really are belong to us.

+1

unscented roses

+3

no knuckle nougies

+4

Everyday, every number winning lottery tickets.

+1

hypo allergenic dust mites

+3

Never lose scratch off lottery tickets.

+1

Sorry, we’re out. You’ll have to settle for the strawberry long cake.

+2

Waterless water

+1

allah really ain’t Hu Ackbar.

Oh, wait a minute. That’s a good thing.

+2

Field-free field events: no-hurl discus, tossless hammers, no-throw javelin, the low jump, the narrow jump, and the noodle vault.

+3

sponge battleship

+4

nerf tank

+4

Cork Bazooka

+3

No roll roller skates

+2

Invisible Fence ®

+1

No “Pressure” Lap Dances

+1

Ed McMahon mail delivery person….everyday, to let you know you just won the Readers Digest sweepstake everyday again.

0

crotchless chastity belt

+4

String-free guitar

+1

fully clothed porn

+4

Tine-less forks

+2

Gas powered battery drills

+1

Pointless Recycled Wood Pencils

+1

The never ending debit card.

0

Microban® Money.

+2

MJA, I’ve seen those at the Amish store.

+2

one-piece jigsaw puzzle

+3

@ uncle al

You have to checkout metal storm. The no firing pin fire arm is serious business. Just sayin.

+2

Waterless Drown-Proof Bathtubs

+2

The tineless rake for gardening.

0

Bladeless Razors

+3

child free babysitting

Blow hole-less whales

+1

Midgetless Dwarf Tossing

+3

Room temperature snow.

+1

jumpless rope

+4

Flat-chested Hooters waitresses

+1

Cockle-burr enemas

+1

Ground level roof.

+1

100% styrofoam cars.

0

Pencil Dullers

+3

@rswannabe – good point. I shoulda said something like:

flint-free flintlock

(-:

+2

Boiled Hookers*

* No actual hookers were harmed in the making of this joke!

+1

Stairs without stairs.

0

Fat-free Crisco.

+3

@eternal cracker p – That’s called Olestra

+2

Trip-less Velcro Shoes

+2

@Nutjob

The never ending debit card.

You mean the Federal Govt?

+2

Global cooling sun.

+2

Bling bling mouthguards, being no one knows the reason or purpose of mouthguards or why one would need one for professional pillowfighting.

+1

chapless asses

+2

Leekage -free Olestra.

+4

Earth cowboy boots

+1

Zero second bull ride

+2

Zero Voltage, Shock-Proof, Electrical House Wiring

+2

drowsy free sleeping pills

+3

Non-combustible fuel.

+2

No touch titty twister

+2

Carbonless Monoxide

+2

stringless beans

+4

Paperless Toilet Tissue

+1

Never registering voting…oh wait.

+1

No pin the tail on the donkey

+2

Jacking off without lifting a hand…….oh wait that would be a reach around.

0

Cold fusion

+1

Scrabble without having to spell a word.

+1

@Alfa06

That’s the Cheryl Crow brand.

0

Zero gravity anvils

+1

Bubbleless gum

+3

Reactive Armor Burqas

+1

@Alfa06:
Personal hygiene islamic style.

JWM

+2

Hug Fu

+2

Non sun magnifying magnifying glasses

+2

Thinking without having to think.

0

fung shui hoarders

+1

No float bubbles

+2

Auto-Wipe Toilets

+1

Playing without playing.

+1

Imaginary hurdles

+2

Greco-Roman Tickling

+4

Portable Food Pre-Chewers

+2

Bungee jumping without jumping.

0

Chop-less Sticks

+1

Southern Hemisphere compass.

+2

One post contests

+2

Sharia compliant bacon.

+2

Bungee material hangman ropes

+1

Double-Sized Rim Basketball

+2

Wet-less Beds

+1

Getting drunk without drinking.

0

Serious Putty

+5

Immortal Goldfish

+2

Toilette paper business cards

+1

Non twinkle stars

+2

Driving while sleeping.

0

Ballistic Tapioca

+1

Fireproof Volt

+3

Easy bake ovens with CFLs.

+1

keyless piano

+1

Hostess Twinkies that expire.

+2

Ken dolls with assholes.

0

Barbie dolls with strap ons.

0

Obama.

+1

Stinkless shit.

+1

Teeter-free teeter-tots

+2

Unsprung springs

+1

Rockem fluffem pillow fighting robots.

+1

Dickless tators

+2

Art competitions with paintless paint.

0

the no talk politician

+2

Mandatory 1 week notice surprise parties

+3

No sink cement shoes

+3

You guys are cracking me up….1 last one before I go direct from the POTUS speech himself

Insurance…..”that will not cost 1 single american taxpayer 1 single dime out of pocket!”

+2

Non irritating pepper spray

+3

Marxist-free Obama family reunion

+4

A battery powered device that allows you to turn off and on and change channels on the picture tube.

+2

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers that are made with real rubber.

+2

Prebuilt puzzels.

+4

Non violent Roadrunner cartoons

+2

No screech black boards

+3

Pokey-less hokey

+4

*puzzles.

+2

Twilight without fireflies.

+1

The no Kleenex ejaculation

+1

Viagra-free erector set

+1

Hockey. Stirred. No ice.

+1

No stain spaghetti sauce

+1

You last two people suck.

+1

Whack-less nick nack paddy.

+2

Well someone posted before I said those last two people suck – so eternal cracker doesn’t suck.

+1

LOL. You people are fun!

+1

The no face slap Three Stooges short

+2

Meany-free eenie miney moe

+2

The anger controlled Moe Howard

+2

Dehydrated water

+3

Flat footed ballet

+2

Faggot flags you can hold over your head while crossing a Chicago crosswalk.

+2

No lamp tanning beds

+1

No pressure submission holds

+2

A fucking folding table that doesn’t unfold.

Okay this is getting personal. Goodnight.

+2

The no exertion workout

+2

No contact mosh pits

+2

The 45 oz Olympic bar

+1

Non slippery slopes

+2

The “30 lb bench press” club

+2

No swirl toilets

+2

Wedgie proof under wear

+2

Non aromatic skunks

+2

The 26 meter marathon

+2

The 110 meter slight hurdles

+1

No-touching masturbation

+2

My bad…

No-touching masturbation

+1

Gluten-Free Socks

+1

Phoneless Cords

+4

Non-sour Cream

+3

No Participation Neccessary Participation Award.

+3

Loser-less award ceremony

+4

No stick super glue

+2

Beans that don’t make you fart.

+2

Hit-free golf ball. You just set it on a tee and this radio controlled ball navigates to the next hole, avoiding all hazards for a perfect hole-in-one every time.

+2

Silent radio.

+1

Hybrid muscle cars.

+3

Assless chaps for anorexics.

+2

Jockstraps for eunuchs.

+3

LCD no flame fireworks.

+4

Kool Aid enemas for O-bots.

+3

Foam padded boxing gloves.

+4

Rubber fencing swords.

+4

Diving board bungee jumping.

+3

Swing sets with maximum arc of two feet in each direction.

+4

Silent cap guns.

+2

Ground level tree houses.

+4

One story house rooftop sky diving.

+3

Tricycles with airbags.

+4

Rubber ice skate blades.

+3

Medicine free cough syrup.

+3

Sugar free pixie sticks.

+3

Non piercing fish hooks.

+2

Beer-free Canada

+2

No fault marriage insurance.

+4

Safety paper, all paper has to be thick as cardboard due to ER paper cut visits.

+2

Glassless glass

+1

Stunless stun guns.

+1

Non conducting wire.

+2

Saw blades without teeth

+1

Grinders without grinding wheels

+1

Sharks without teeth

+1

Lawn mowers without blades

+1

roto tillers without tines

+1

Chainsaws without chains

+1

windmills without blades

+1

Roller coaster without hills

+1

ski slopes without slopes

+1

iceless ice

+1

training wheels for baby buggies

+1

safety bumpers for helmets

+2

roll cages for tricycles

+2

Digestible paste for hippies

+2

odorless onions

+1

room temperature saunas

0

wieghtless wieghts

0

Non-stick tape

0

christmas trees without needles

+1

offroading without offroading

0

shoes with stabilizing bars

0

boogerless boogers

0

fans without blades

0

music without sound

0

stereos without speakers

0

blenders without blades

0

sewing machines without needles

0

non spinning merry-go-rounds

0

airplanes that dont fly

0

sit and spins that don’t spin

0

barkless dogs

0

bananas without peels

0

room temerature freezers

0

room temperature ovens

0

0 pressure pumps

0

ground level zip lines

0

waterless showers

0

non acidic acid

0

corn without kernals

0

Math without numbers

0

the alphabet without letters

0

Hugs without hugging

0

Concerts without bands

0

Bills without bills

+1

illegal voting

+1

swimming without water

+1

Fine. I’ll just buy one of the OLD-FASHIONED kind and have at it. I have enough anxiety-produced energy for everyone.

+1

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+1

Howdy brilliant page thanks keep up the very good job

0