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Preventative Medicine? Meh.
A government panel has decided that there is no need to waste rations time on silly old mammograms. Not a Dr., but plays one on TV, Obama has compiled a list of further guidelines that we no longer need to follow and has, instead, developed his own medical standards – Preventative-Shmentative! It’s all about the benjamins, baby!
Normal temperature has been raised from 98.6 and will now be anything up to and including 101.9. Who has Obama Fevah? We do! Tell your kids to stop whining, suck it up and sing a nice little “mmm mmm mmm” Obama ditty in lieu of fever reducing medication.
There will be no more whining about bad backs. New guidelines will encourage everyone to follow Obama’s lead and prostrate themselves in submissive bows whenever possible. That should relieve the strain of standing upright and having a backbone.
Normal blood pressure range has been raised to 200/110. As such, blood pressure medication will not be covered under the new health care plan. Instead, Obama’s master plan of shooting for 15% unemployment will do the trick. You see, it’s not unemployment now – it’s FUNemployment! No stress! Who needs pesky (and evil-y capitalist) income?
High cholesterol isn’t really that bad. Therefore there will no longer be a need for pills like Lipitor ™. Just wait until your heart explodes, then Obama will hand out a little red pill to “ease your suffering with dignity.”
The military isn’t exempt from this miraculous Change either. Firstly, flat feet will no longer be grounds for a medical exemption. You will need to be totally flatline. But even that isn’t a sure thing – I mean, it doesn’t stop Lautenberg and Byrd from being Senators.
Secondly, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell will no longer reference sexual orientation. It is now Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell if you are a mentally deranged and fanatical psychopath. We can’t discriminate against the mentally ill; in fact, the new guidelines remove any mention of mental illness. All will be considered ‘normal’ now. It’s all about diversity; if we lose diversity, how can we consider ourselves Citizens of the World?
Thank you, Obama, for taking over the control of our bodies and our health for us. We obviously can’t be trusted to take care of ourselves, nor can we be allowed to make any choices on our own (unless it is THAT kind of choice. I know you won’t allow us to be “punished with a baby,” paygrade or not.) This is the moment that our Redistribution of Health has been waiting for.
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November 18th, 2009
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FreeWillie
November 18th, 2009
While the recommendations of this “panel of experts” is highly questionable, the most disgusting aspect is their insistence that self examination be discouraged! That doesn’t cost the damn government a dime, other than if you feel one it’s doctor time. To discourage a simple self examination is not only questionable but down right criminal on the part of this “panel of experts”.
The start of the much dreaded “death panels”.
Arm up citizens! We grow closer to the revolution no one wants.
cakes
November 18th, 2009
FreeWillie: If you live, you cost the gov’t. See how that works? The environmentalists/’progressives’ want to reduce the population. Gov’t wants to reduce the population – less social security and other payouts. They want us to live just long enough to pay INTO the system, then it’s “Oh, hack off and die you over the hill 43 year old!”
All of this bull is the progressives way to soft sell Eugenics (which is based in Darwinism- the strongest survive) because they wouldn’t want to be compared to Nazi’s, would they. Global warming, btw, has the very same goal.
Comrade Whoopie
November 18th, 2009
It’s each and every citizen’s duty to get sick and die before you’re old enough to collect on Socialist Security and Medicare.
People live too long and cost too much. Preventive medicine and healthier lifestyles are the cause.
rebecca83095
November 18th, 2009
Nancy Pelousy says health care WILL be our Christmas present – tell her this is a bill we can’t afford to pay.
And let’s give Congress our own Christmas present..
http://pinkslipsforcongress.com/
I hear they have received over 5 million of these. It’s a start.
My2Cents
November 18th, 2009
Never trust anyone (especially a President) under 50.
Call me Lennie
November 18th, 2009
Makes me glad that my prostate had the decency to turn cancerous in 2006 when I was at tender age of 50. Because I was able to schedule a quick surgery, I got it cut out and bagged and tossed into a landfill right in the nick of time.
I can see now that this may have been a stroke of good fortune. Under Obama Care, I might have had to wait too long.
A lucky case of cancer. How strange is that?
illustr8r
November 18th, 2009
Ocare’s new preventive care: cross your fingers for luck, grab onto the turkey wishbone this Thanksgiving, look for a shooting star to wish upon or toss a coin in a fountain.
May you get the outcome you HOPEd for.
Stymie
November 18th, 2009
I’m surprised Rahm Emanuel was so willing to pose for that poster. I see he can still get en pointe.
Elektracutie
November 18th, 2009
I wonder when O’Care will ask REAL doctors for advice. Healthcare…It’s pretty much their field, right?
My2Cents
November 18th, 2009
Glad to hear it, Lennie. Glad you (and not your prostate) are still with us.
My2Cents
November 18th, 2009
Stymie, I was thinking, “I wonder where BFH got a pic of a young Bill Gates in his underwear.”
Call me Lennie
November 19th, 2009
Well, get a load* of this My2cents, When they did the biopsy, they found a trace of cancer in only one of the twelve strips. They almost missed it!
When my prostate was taken out three months later, it was discovered that cancer had taken over 25% of my prostate and was within a micro hair’s breadth of escaping the prostate.
Talk about a lucky strike!
rebecca83095
November 19th, 2009
Oh Lennie – it WAS good news for you…it’s awful to contemplate what could be in store for someone on the BHOPOHCP.
conservative cowgirl
November 19th, 2009
I’m glad I have my “compression appointment” today; if this “healthcare” monstrosity passes, it will probably be my last. If the Lefties love the Third World so much with all of the poverty and poor health, why don’t THEY move there and leave us the heck alone?!
Fargus
November 19th, 2009
What the….? Is this Joe Biden’s freshman year “First Shower after Gym Class” picture?
“Coach, ya coach, can I shower with my panties on”?