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Thanksgiving Stuffing

Home - by - December 2, 2011 - 20:45 America/New_York - 27 Comments

 

billirsFBUSE.jpg

The Houston Press

Last week Hair Balls came up with a list of the 10 worst things you will face at your family Thanksgiving.

One that didn’t make the cut: walking in on an adult woman having sex with an underage relative.

Police in Montgomery County say that scenario unfolded at a family gathering on Oakridge Forest Lane in Spring. Amanda Billliris, 23, has been charged with second-degree felony sexual assault, punishable by two to 20 years in prison.

According to Your Houston News, relatives caught Billiris having sexual intercourse with the 15-year-old relative.

According to the report, Billiris has bonded out of jail, and the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office is continuing its investigation.

!snip!

She oughta go to Afghanistan.

» 27 Comments

  1. Adrienne

    December 2nd, 2011

    Well that beats some of my cousins smoking dope in the cloak room of the funeral home during my grandpa’s funeral – all the while my Dad is out front telling me how wonderful and smart my cousins were. Oh yeah, one of the other cousins got picked up on the way to the rosary for DUI. Damn! That was one fun funeral…

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +19

     
  2. even steven

    December 2nd, 2011

    Now there’s some family lore sure to endure a few generations.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  3. grayscape

    December 2nd, 2011

    Damn… I have lots of in-laws that I’ve been hoping to roll in the hay with… Why can’t it ever be me?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  4. Plain Jane

    December 2nd, 2011

    But that will be legal for males once we have sharia. And now horses will probably be fair game along with the goats.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +26

     
  5. Dale

    December 2nd, 2011

    I always thought my family was weird growing up. I had no idea what could have been going on.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +11

     
  6. RosalindJ

    December 2nd, 2011

    Jane wins.

    Thumb up +6

     
  7. TigerEyes

    December 2nd, 2011

    Did she have her gun on during the ah…um Turkey Carving? Might have had a murder if this happened at my house

    Thumb up +2

     
  8. Weldor

    December 2nd, 2011

    I think it’s a blade rather than a pistola, and my family gatherings were somewhat more, ah, creative.

    Thumb up 0

     
  9. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    December 2nd, 2011

    I’m sure the 40 year old women at the prison will be taking turns stuffing her, too.
    See how that works, dear?
    You’ll be “underaged” to them, too.

    Thumb up +5

     
  10. Nunya

    December 2nd, 2011

    …not only that but 5 bucks says her b00bz are fake-fake-fake-fake™

    Her fake-red hair color is fake, why not fake chesticles too?

    REAL breast tissue is primarily fat, and usually slightly asymmetrical between the two; this gal’s pretty “even” and she’s pretty thin everywhere else

    Thumb up +2

     
  11. Burrmorseless

    December 2nd, 2011

    Read the article, she was just trying to hook up to the dialysis machine.

    Over and over and over again……..

    Thumb up 0

     
  12. SgtZim

    December 2nd, 2011

    All that money on (nice) fake boobies and stuff, and she has to molest her nephew? Should have saved a few bucks for a toy, or something.

    Thumb up +3

     
  13. Tony R

    December 2nd, 2011

    She looked pretty good thumbnail-sized. Until I enlarged the photo. Ugh.

    Thumb up 0

     
  14. Tracy

    December 2nd, 2011

    The ‘According to Your Houston News’ link above has her mug shot, and what a mug it is!

    NObama2012!

    Thumb up 0

     
  15. Tom Atoe

    December 2nd, 2011

    @ Tony R

    Then you don’t want to follow the links to her mug shot.

    Trust me on this. :roll:

    Thumb up 0

     
  16. Chuck U Farley

    December 2nd, 2011

    Aw, give her a break.

    She just misunderstood when her nephew said he wanted an ‘X-Box’ for Christmas.

    (and I believe that’s an antler-handled knife on her side; not a gun)

    Thumb up +3

     
  17. John

    December 2nd, 2011

    Where were these women when I was 15!?!?

    Thumb up +7

     
  18. Nunya

    December 2nd, 2011

    And back to the topic of the original “10 Things” Bad-Thanksgiving list, notice how Hairballs couldn’t help himself from getting in three of the 10 obligatory shots at Conservatives?…all of them above the fold too –

    10. The long-winded prayer

    9. The settling-scores prayer

    7. The Tea Party Dude

    (http:// … meh, I don’t feel like linking to him again

    Thumb up +3

     
  19. 123321123321

    December 2nd, 2011

    Ehhh.. doesn’t look like she would have problems getting a man. Odd indeed.

    Thumb up 0

     
  20. tucsondon

    December 2nd, 2011

    She’ll get probation. If the situation were reversed and she was a he doing a 15 year old she? The stiffest (no pun intended) sentence allowed.

    Thumb up +3

     
  21. Corona

    December 3rd, 2011

    A chick with pistons like that? Jeez.

    Thumb up 0

     
  22. Commisar Abe

    December 3rd, 2011

    Well, that should put a fence on one open range.

    Thumb up +2

     
  23. AvgDude

    December 3rd, 2011

    What’s up with all these freaks these days? Screwing your own nephew?… Seriously… WTF? Is she crazy?

    Thumb up +2

     
  24. Anonymous

    December 3rd, 2011

    She was helping him with his acne problem…

    Thumb up +1

     
  25. Open The Door

    December 3rd, 2011

    Wow! I knew tryptophan in turkey made you feel good, I had no idea how good.

    Thumb up +1

     
  26. JohnR

    December 5th, 2011

    isn’t that Tiger Wood’s whore?

    Thumb up 0

     
  27. JohnR

    December 5th, 2011